perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
