i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize