Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
