I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
