The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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