it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
