Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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