my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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