I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
