I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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