You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
