My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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