Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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