im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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