So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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