i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
