I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
