Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my poor anus
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
