so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
