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Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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