quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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