pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
