Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
