She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize