escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
