I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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