I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
