Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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