hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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