Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
