Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
