fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
