I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you never un-have a 4some
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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