Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
