My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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