Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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