Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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