Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
