actually, I'm a sock model
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
