Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
