how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
