Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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