She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
