You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
