Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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