You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
