"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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