I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
