you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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