I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
