I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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