Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize