I wish I could teleport
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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