It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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