Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
