I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
