Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
