Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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