I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
