I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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