I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
