Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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