you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
